The Carpetbagger: The Mountain State Fair

Who doesn't love the fair? The combined fragrance of fried food and farm animals.....being spun in a circle....Displays of outright insanity.

Here in Western North Carolina we have "The Mountain State Fair". It doesn't matter that the Mountains are not a state, we deserve our own fair, damnit. As I talked about previously, my first trip to the Mountain State Fair was a magical experience, as I got to see my first freak show. In addition to the freak show they had two separate exhibits featuring giant horses.

They were pretty big, I guess.....They also had a giant steer.....

Besides monstrous farm animals the fair also previously featured a "Clown Ministry". For those who are unfamiliar with the idea of a Clown Ministry, its basically Church with Clowns.

I didn't follow the whole thing, but there was also a nerdy guy who looked like Stephen King that faced off with Satan in a boxing match.

Here's Satan.....

They also do an "agriculture based" magic show each year called "Agricatabra". Here is the magician shoving a chicken's ass in a little girl's face.

Then of course there are the rides, over a dozen ways to spin you around in a circle.

My daughter always insists that I go for a spin with her.

The fair also features the legendary "Seattle Wheel"

This wheel was featured in the Elvis movie "It Happened at the World's Fair". They have Elvis's seat, but they don't let you ride it. Booooo.

Of course the real reason for a fair is for farmers and agriculturists to compete against each other. I have always found this part a bit confusing, as I simply don't understand what makes one bean better than another.

I also pity those that have to judge who has the best hay.

And do the judges have to smoke the tobacco in order to judge it.

Also, you will get your share of dioramas made by school children that venture into truly surrealistic territory.

This year I was particularly excited about going to the Mountain State Fair as they were having three of my favorite events: Pro Wrestling, Pig Racing and Alligator Wrestling. The true county fair trifecta.

They have the hog races every year and they have become a family tradition. For those who have not been to a hog race before, the concept it simple. The master of ceremonies divides the crowd into sections, each assigned to a different pig, who are named after nascar drivers.

Then the pigs race! With the crowd viciously cheering for their pig.

They mix things up by racing other types of animals, such as goats.....

or ducks......

Seriously, forget baseball, this is the true national pastime......

This year was a big deal for us, as the big that was assigned to my daughter won its race!

Next up: Alligator Wrestling! Now, I have seen Alligator Wrestling before in Florida, but this was a little different. This wrestler was a one man show who called himself "Kachunga".

Now Kachunga did not disappoint. He did the traditional alligator wrestling holds such as holding the gator's mouth open.

And tucking the gator's mouth under his chin....

What made Kachunga really stand out was the fact that he actually picked the gator up off the ground like a thrashing snapping sack of potatoes.

He also did a bit where he stuck his hand in an alligators mouth that actually scared the hell out of me....Just check it out....

Just watch this man at work.....

Now next, we have the People Wrestling!

Now, I am a huge fan of local wrestling, but there is something about seeing it at the fair that just made it seem a little more special.

This show was put on by Smokey Mountain Championship Wrestling. The first bought featured the "The Wildman of the Mid Atlantic"

He was announced as being from Louisiana, so I thought he may have had a voodoo thing going on. For some reason he did not seem to speak English and growled and made animal noises and occasionally screamed in gibberish. Some may think the gimmick was a little insensitive. Later, we were treated to two dancing African American gentlemen who called themselves the "Soul Patrol" and claimed to be from "Chocolate City".

They squared off against a couple of old school wrestlers who called themselves "The Hollywood Blondes"

The Soul Patrol was victorious after bitch slapping their competition, literally.

Here is Misty James, the woman's champion, billed as the Queen of Kingsport, TN.

Apparently her female opponent did not show up, so she had to wrestle a guy in a blue mask who pronounced that women have no place in wrestling.

The main event featured Ricky Morton, who wrestled for WCW and WWF in the 70s, 80s and 90s and still travels the independent scene. His life is pretty much the plot to "The Wrestler".

As an added threat this year they had "Valencia the Rocketman" on the midway.

Valencia raised his cannon and had himself shot over top an operating ride on midway.

Now that's impressive.

There was also a Sea Lion Show where they did all sorts of Sea Lion things like balancing a ball on their noses....

and dancing to "Baby Got Back"

Of course all this excitement makes one build up quite an appetite, and if there is one thing the fair specializes in is producing food that makes you feel like you are doing something dirty and wrong by eating it.